Fix You
by MissaSolemnis
Summary: I always wondered how it would feel to see someone so bright be defeated by himself. I always anticipated the dreadful day that it would actually happen. Who knew I was right all along?
1. Dedication: READ

Fix You

By: MissaSolemnis

Special message to my dear readers and 'reader'.

When I first started this oneshot, I was doubtful of the outcome for I'm not really into angsty fictions. Well, due to insisted public demand, I was driven to write this. For you.

Now won't you give me a cookie?

Joking aside, this is quite a different genre from what I'm used to writing.

I wanted to post it on the 14th of September as tribute to my... 'reader'.

'Reader' if you're reading this right now, which I don't doubt, I know this is not your cup of tea, but it's all about friendship.

A strange kind of friendship, yes, but nevertheless it's still friendship.

I hope you 'all' won't be too cruel when reviewing this.

I accept flames though. Hahaha...

READ, READ!


	2. Fix You

**Fix You**

By: MissaSolemnis

A/N: So you see, this is a bit different than my usual cup of tea. It's a songfic. It's best if you also read along with the lyrics. Or listen to the music at the same time. I know you'll like it. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own OHSHC. Never can, never will. I also don't own the yummy-ness of Coldplay nor any of their songs. Anything here that don't appear to be mine, aren't. Comprende?

XXX Fix You XXX

I lay down quietly as I let the brandy I just consumed spread warmth through my body. There's something about being seventeen and drinking brandy in a clandestine manner that attract me in doing so. No, it's not for the slow, languorous intoxication of it.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed..._

They would hardly believe me if I said it was for warmth.

_When you get what you want but not what you need..._

I could hear the heavy rain pounding against my window and the wind howling furiously. At this rate, even with the brandy, I won't be able to sleep.

_When you feel so tired but you can't sleep..._

All I could do is close my eyes and rest my body if not my mind.

_Stuck in reverse..._

And then, as if I was expecting it, something rapped at my window. I opened my eyes and put on my glasses from the bedside table.

I swiftly strode to the window and pulled it up. There I saw Tamaki standing on the ledge, dripping wet as the wind and rain whipped mercilessly at him.

"Kyouya... can I come in?" He asked staring up at me.

I wordlessly reached out my hand and gave him a boost up to my room. He landed sloppily on his feet, stumbling slightly. I pushed him towards the fireplace and sat him in front of it, seeing that he was shaking with cold.

I went to my closet and grabbed a big white towel and draped it over his dripping hair.

He did nothing to dry himself off, so I proceeded to do the job.

Tamaki always snuck to my room by climbing the convenient tree by my window. He was always so proud of getting past our security. What he didn't know was that they merely 'pretended' not to see him. By my orders.

I rubbed the towel against his crouched back and sighed. Tamaki... so careless. Couldn't he have at least worn a raincoat or something?

"I'm tired Kyouya..." He whispered.

"Then sleep when you're dry enough." I said nonchalantly.

I definitely knew something was wrong. This was not just some late night excursion induced by the Host Club king's desire for friendly pestering. The last thing he'll need right now is unusual attitude from me.

I got up once again and took out the decanter of fine French brandy from the hidden compartment of my armoire. He knew about it. It's not like I kept it a secret from anyone. I just didn't like being questioned. Too intrusive.

I handed him a crystal cut glass filled halfway with the potent drink. He accepted it and took a careless swig.

He gasped, coughing and sputtering but didn't complain. I put the decanter beside him and resumed drying his now damp hair.

He still didn't say anything. He poured some on the glass again and handed it to me. I took a sip and gave it back to him.

"Tell me." I said softly, but in a normal tone. I stopped drying but left the towel over his head.

My eye was caught by a flicker of light reflected by a droplet of water that made a dark dot on Tamaki's jeans, followed by another one, and another one.

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace..._

"I'm too tired Kyouya..." He rasped.

I stared at his towel and hair obscured face.

"I'm too tired of chasing..." He gripped the glass he was holding so hard that I was afraid it would break.

_When you love someone but it goes to waste_

"It's one thing to be rejected by your own family." He said, still not looking up.

Ah, something that's known to me all too well.

_Could it be worse..._

My hands clenched and unclenched on my lap, feeling the anger that he should be feeling.

But no.

Tamaki was too kind.

He didn't feel anger against them. He felt guilt. Guilt because he was not enough. He tried, and tried, just like I did, but still he wasn't enough.

_And high up above or down below_

Tamaki suddenly laid his back on the floor and covered his face with his arm.

A nearly hysterical laugh escaped his lips.

"Nah, Kyouya..." Tamaki said raggedly. "Isn't it funny?" He asked me.

I saw nothing funny at the moment, but I kept quiet, unconsciously grinding my teeth together.

"Coming from someone I... cherish..." He gave a broken chuckle.

_When you're too in love to let it go_

I knew now who he was talking about. I closed my eyes and regulated my breathing.

"Nah, Kyouya..." He said again. "Would you believe it?" His laughter bubbled up again.

I opened my eyes and saw that the hand of his raised arm was clenched very tight, all the while he was still laughing.

"She called me a bastard."

I felt my eyes widen. There was an extent to cruelty, surely. But maybe I was just feeling irrationally furious on Tamaki's behalf.

No. There's no such thing as irrational in my vernacular.

Nevertheless, I felt it.

"But there's more!" He laughed. "She said she didn't want me!"

More laughter.

The bright but broken smile remained on his face; all the vestige of the Tamaki I knew was gone.

"That I was the greatest mistake of her life..." His mirth gradually slowed. "She wished I wasn't born at all."

The laugh that so hysterically poured out a while ago turned into a clenched sob.

I didn't feel compelled to look at Tamaki's misery. The more I saw, the more I wanted to lash out.

I didn't want to see, but I saw anyway. Rivulets of tears made their way down the sides of his face. His arm mercifully obscured everything else.

Had I seen everything that moment, I would have committed bloody murder.

I settled for biting my lip. I bit so hard it bled.

Cheers, Tamaki. I thought ironically and downed a gulp of fiery brandy straight from the decanter.

I didn't know how to offer comfort to someone like Tamaki. I never knew how, in the first place.

But hell, I wanted to. I wanted him to stop crying. I wanted my old Tamaki back.

Darkness belonged to someone like me! Given the chance, I wouldn't complain. But Tamaki?

People who are born and moulded into someone like him deserved better!

But look what they did to him.

They broke him.

She broke him hard.

At that very moment, I wanted so much to offer comfort but I didn't even know where to start. I wanted to comfort only him.

Tamaki, my friend.

My only friend.

My best friend.

I wanted to reach out, and tell him to stop crying.

My hand reached out to him, but halted halfway.

_But if you never try you'll never know..._

With the same resolve that made me as I am, I boldly reached out and grasped his hand.

I was surprised at the strength to which he returned my clasp. He gripped it so tightly it was just short of pain.

But I stayed there. If I could be a tether to keep him from snapping, then so be it.

_Just what you were..._

He put his hand on his mouth to somehow stifle the sobs that ripped at his throat, but the sound still came out anguished. His eyes clenched tightly against the torrents of tears that I now see more clearly.

"Everyone turned away from me Kyouya..." He whispered bitterly.

Not everyone, Tamaki.

I tightened my hold on his hand that was still so cold. Like mine.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

"My chest." He used his hand to grip the cloth of his shirt. "It feels broken." As the tears still continued to fall, he gasped.

"I'm here, Tamaki." I finally said, though unable to look at him straight.

_I will try to fix you._

As if I added wind to the storm, the dam broke, if it was still possible.

Tamaki's face crumpled. "Kyouya..." His voice breaking.

He suddenly sat up and gripped my hand tighter it was really painful.

But I didn't show it. His pain hurt me more than this.

_Tears stream down your face_

_When you lose something you could not replace..._

Without disengaging our hands, he leaned forward and dropped his head on my shoulder.

His pain was now so palpable that my chest literally hurt. I had to swallow hard to get the lump in my throat down. I blinked rapidly to disperse the unfamiliar sting in my eyes.

_Tears stream down your face _

_And I..._

"Kyouya..." He sobbed. I felt my shirt immediately getting wet. "Tell me..."

The words he needed to hear. The assurance that, for some reason, only I can give.

"I'm here, Tamaki." I repeated.

The words I'll only say to him, my best friend.

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I..._

I used my other hand to smooth his hair, the way I remember my sister used to do to me when I was but a child. His shoulders shook convulsively as he used massive effort in quieting his sobs.

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones..._

I let him cry it out, for goodness knew how long he kept it in.

I will let him cry it out, so long as he could smile afterwards.

I will be there so long as he needed me.

_I will try to fix you..._

XXX End XXX

A/N: Like it? Hate it? Please, do review.

Do you like the vagueness of it all? You can imagine all you want, I'm not telling!

Oh, and by the way, in case you are wondering, this is NOT a yaoi fic. Believe it or not, no matter how many 'hints' the otaku's may cite, I assure you, it's CLEAN.


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